Out of Order
by reader713
Summary: The staff of the Baratie has no problem with Sanji and Zoro's new relationship. It would only be convenient if the bathroom wouldn't be out of order so often. SanjixZoro.


DISCLAIMER: DID THIS HAPPEN IN CANON? NO.

Most of the Baratie had been delighted when they'd discovered that Sanji (Zeff's protégé/adopted son/apprentice/student/personal annoyance/sous chef at the Baratie) was screwing Roronoa Zoro (marimo/man with no direction/sword freak). Naturally, they could have done without discovering their relationship by walking in on the two of them going at it in one of the small rarely-used closets of the Baratie, but most preferred to overlook that (or rather, do their best to forget it with use of hypnotism/therapy/memory 'bleaching/alcohol and sometimes drugs which a surprising number of Sanji and Zoro's friends decided to participate in)..

However, since Sanji and Zoro had started 'dating' (or rather, which was far more likely, having regular sex), it had been noted that Sanji's mood had improved tremendously. He was often quite 'perky' at work (of course, it was often very annoying to everyone else who wasn't getting laid regularly, but they decided to overlook that), quite cheerful in fact. He still flirted with the ladies, but it was obvious that it was only habit (especially since when ladies did make an offer he ended up refusing them) and they no longer had to worry about someone's boyfriend/husband hunting Sanji down to kill him for sleeping with their girlfriend. Instead they had to worry about the boyfriends/husbands hunting Sanji down to kill/hurt him for _flirting_ with their girlfriends, but that was alright because Zoro was often in the area.

Which was actually surprising because it was well-known that Zoro had no sense of direction. Everyone had learned that when he first visited the Baratie and decided to visit the bathroom…it ended up taking him two hours to find a bathroom and he wandered into the kitchen five times during those two hours. Something which none of the staff believed was possible, especially since there were a total of three men's bathrooms in the Baratei.

Anyways, since Sanji and Zoro started sleeping together regularly (they claimed they weren't dating but they slept together six nights out of seven and Zoro had a toothbrush in Sanji's bathroom, two drawers for his clothes and a sword-cleaning kit stashed in Sanji's closet…upon hearing that Sanji willing shared his clothes storage space with the green-haired man Patty and Carne declared that it was love), Sanji had changed in ways other than being more cheerful/perky.

He had actually stopped smoking, it hadn't been so obvious, since he had continued to stick a cigarette between his lips, but Patty had suddenly realized that he couldn't remember Sanji lighting any of the cigarettes for at least four months…

…after Patty made his revelation Sanji proceeded to kick him so bad the older cook was unable to sit for a week.

Sanji started avoiding the bar/club scene (which made sense since he no longer needed to go out for sexual partners, instead he had one who was often in his apartment, usually because he'd gotten lost on his way home and recognized Sanji's building).

Sanji was also taking more time off from the Baratie. Naturally, this was the first thing noticed and not a few of the staff were grateful. Sanji was notorious for working himself hard and more than one had worried that he'd drive himself to collapse. With Zoro (or at least the regular sex) in the picture, Sanji had started leaving at the time he was supposed to and showing up half an hour earlier than he was supposed to at the most.

Evidently Sanji was not fated to have an ulcer before age 30.

The entire staff of the Baratie was delighted for the 'happy couple' and gave their full support.

…they could have done, however, without the bathrooms regularly getting out of order.

Now, when one says a bathroom is 'out of order', one usually takes that to mean that it is getting cleaned, the toilet is flooding, or there's something wrong with the pipes.

That is not the case at the Baratie.

Instead, when a bathroom is 'out of order', it is translated to mean that Zoro stopped by to 'visit' (or got dragged there) and Sanji decided to take him into one of the bathrooms to make out.

Which had resulted in 'out of order' signs being placed in the doorway so a customer wouldn't walk in on them.

Then they started having sex in them, which resulted in the staff placing the sign and then adding a cleaning cart (for afterward) that always carried a boombox playing music as loud as possible.

So that the customers wouldn't hear them, of course. Though Patty and Carne tended to mutter that they were sure that Sanji was loud (and 'encouraged' Zoro to be) on purpose. They had been having sex for a while without anyone finding out before they were walked in on after all.

Luckily there were three men's rooms and Sanji got persuaded to use the most unpopular/unused one (it was out of the way and very few customers knew it existed).

Normally, one would ask why they used closets, but Zeff pointed out gruffly that often what was stored in the closets was required and necessary…and so it was easier to just put a bathroom out of commission even if it did have to be cleaned afterwards (supposedly the two were very 'active').

However, the staff of the Baratie was happy for Sanji's 'it's-just-sex-not-a-relationship-I'll-kick-you-fo r-saying-that-stupid-marimo-should-get-a-girlfrien d-be-prepared-for-PAIN'. Despite Sanji's protects it was clearly a relationship, they decided as they watched as the green-haired male was dragged over to the Baratie, ignoring or oblivious to the (rather lustful) stares of a number of people which resulted in Sanji (who was serving that day due to almost messing up a dish since he 'wasn't-worrying-about-that-idiot-but-wondering-if -since-the-idiot-was-lost-and-his-phone-turned-off -that-that-meant-the-group-would-not-be-eating-at- the-Baratie-which-meant-that-the-meat-purchased-fo r-Luffy-to-eat-would-be-spoiled' and had been relegated into serving which meant 'flirting-with-the-ladies-when-he-wasn't-looking-a t-the-door-every-five-minutes-not-to-mention-check ing-out-the-other-entrances-into-the-restaurant-ev ery-fifteen-minutes') tackling him to give him a passionate kiss that would have had a number of people gasping except that they were rather expecting it (there were a number of customers, primarily female, who often visited the Baratie to watch the 'show' and most of them had taken out their cameras and/or phones to take photos). Once the 'kiss' (ahem, make-out session) was complete Sanji grabbed Zoro by the wrist and pulled him deeper into the Baratie, obviously intent on his destination.

"Alright" Zeff told his staff gravely, not even bothered in the slightest by the scene that had just occurred "everyone remember, for the next three hours or until we see the shitty eggplant taking orders again, whichever is second Section 69 is not to be used."

'Section 69' was the area in which the bathroom was located. The nickname had been coined thus by Sanji and Zoro's friend Ace who had arrived at the Baratie and decided to visit Sanji. Ace had headed into the section and, since he heard their voices, decided to 'surprise' them and got an eyeful of them performing the activity. It was only thanks to his narcolepsy kicking in (and the fact that Robin called Sanji to inform him of her accepting Franky's proposal two minutes earlier) that saved Ace.

As it was, Ace had started refusing to open doors unless he knew the location of Sanji and Zoro and had knocked first. Ace's boyfriend Marco admitted that he was often forced to open the door to the bathroom in their apartment, just in case Sanji and Zoro had snuck in to 'use' it. When he heard, Whitebeard (both Marco and Ace had been in his foster program growing up and was a father figure to them) had insisted on sending Ace to therapy after Ace stood outside an empty bathroom for two hours at a party held at Whitebeard's place purely because Ace had had no idea that Sanji and Zoro had ended up ditching the party about three hours earlier to head to Sanji's apartment for some 'rest and relaxation'. Ace's therapist had ended up going to get a drink and laughed for 33 minutes straight (Ace had heard her in the hallway and timed the laughter) which resulted in the therapy ending early.

Four hours later a rather smug Sanji started flirting with the female customers as he began (once again) taking orders. Zoro (provided with the specials for free, since no one in the staff wanted a single Sanji, since that would translate into him being 'moody' and/or stealing their girlfriends) was provided with the chair specifically purchased for him and a pillow.

Due to the finger foods Zoro nibbled on while he ate Sanji ended up announcing that he was taking his lunch break.

He was extremely smug when he showed up to work the next day. Everyone decided to ignore the numerous hickeys on his neck and instead did numerous vile acts to their Sanji voodoo doll(s) collection(s). Patty and Carne respectively had over twenty Sanji voodoo dolls at a time, each of which had acts out of horror films and books being committed on them.

Of course, what Patty and Carne didn't tell anyone was that each of them had a Sanji and Zoro doll who held hands.

It had been rather pathetic to watch Sanji moon over Zoro (and vice versa) prior to them getting together. It had almost been enough for them to try match-making…

…and then Sanji smirked smugly and made a reference (once again) to the fact that he was getting laid regularly and hadn't gotten any sleep the previous night and they both mentally decided to increase the number of their authentic Sanji voodoo doll victims to at least thirty. Maybe their action of using authentic Sanji hairs to make the dolls would cause the younger cook to go bald.

It was a hope.

When it was five years and the two were still ducking into the bathroom at the Baratie it was decided that the 'it's-still-just-sex-not-a-relationship-and-it-doe sn't-mean-anything-that-we're-celebrating-our-anni versary-it's-just-an-excuse-to-have-REALLY-great-s ex' was going to last and approached Zeff to find out if the Baratie would be catering the wedding.

As it was, the two eloped, rendering the issue moot.


End file.
